Looking for an answer

There's an emptiness tonight
A hole that wasn't there before
And I keep reaching for the light
When i can't find it anymore
There's an emptiness tonight
A hand he held that pulls me down
They say it's gonna be alright
But can't begin to tell me how

And i ask myself out loud
Have i been lost all along

Was there something I could say or something I should not have done

Was I lost all along

Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one

Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one
Is there sunshine where you are

The way there was there when you were here

Cause I'm just sitting in the dark
In disbelief that this is real
Disbelief that this is real

Have I been lost all along
Was there something I could say or something I should not have done
Was I lost all along
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one

And I ask myself out loud
Have I been lost all along
Was there something i could say or something i should not have done
Was I lost all along
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one

I want to scream, and shout, and let it all out...

Melancolia absurda que se apodera sobre mim..um mau estar que chega a ser físico sem conseguir perceber porquê.

Uma vontade de chorar sem ter a capacidade de o fazer. Sentir que que estou seca por dentro. Que perdi a capacidade e a vontade de mostrar ao Mundo o que de facto me corre na alma.

Fingir sorrisos quando não os quero fingir. Não ter de responder quando me perguntam se estou bem. Estou? Nem eu sei...é suposto estar. A sociedade assim o espera, assim me exige. Há pessoas com problemas maiores Joana. Tu não tens razões para teres problemas...tens tudo para seres feliz.

Sou? Quero ser..

Como?

Tenho 3 filhos, tenho 3 filhos, tenho 3 filhos. Este é o mote que me faz levantar da cama. Nem que seja em piloto automático, cumprir as tarefas que me foram incumbidas.

Sou mãe. sou mãe. sou mãe.

eles precisam de mim....

acorda. vai trabalhar. come. volta a casa. come. dorme. repeat..

Paga as tuas contas. Chega ao final do dia. Sorri. Não consigo. Sorri na mesma.

Será que alguém se apercebe? Será que alguém sentirá falta. Será que alguém reparou e não disse nada? Será que podíamos ter feito mais? Será que pedi ajuda? Será que deixei transparecer?

Tornei-me na mestre do disfarce. Aprendi a disfarçar. A dizer que está tudo bem.

Just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean it isn't there...

E quando por um momento a carga deixa de ser sustentável e explodes? E mostras ao mundo a tua verdadeira essência. A luta interna diária que carregas contigo? Ninguém percebe. criticam-te, Joana acorda! A escolha foi tua. Cresce. Life is what it is. Deal with it.

E quando deixar de querer lidar com isso... Who's going to be there holding my hand. Not letting go. Not letting me go. Am i going to be alone? As always...

No mess. Just close my eyes. Shut down completely. It's done. I'm free...away.

Wake up. Repeat.

Looking for an answer...

Holding on....am I?

I don't like my mind right now
 Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary 
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic 
And I drive myself crazy  Thinking everything's about me
Yeah I drive myself crazy 
'Cause I can't escape the gravity 

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy  Holding on
To so much more than I can carry 
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
 Holding on
Why is everything so heavy 

You say that I'm para-noid
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me
It's not like I make the choice 
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I'm not the center of the universe 
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe 
But you keep spinning round me just the same

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy  Holding on
To so much more than I can carry 
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
 Holding on
Why is everything so heavy 

I know I'm not the center of the universe 
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe 
But you keep spinning round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy  Thinking everything's about me

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy  Holding on
To so much more than I can carry 
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
 Holding on
Why is everything so heavy 
Why is everything so heavy 
Why is everything so heavy